The Metamorphosis

Last Friday, I was giving the final presentation of a project. I noticed the ease and confidence with which I was presenting myself, and the audience listening with apt attention. On the way home, I was happy that the presentation went well and I started tracing back my thoughts on my transition from the shy, stage-fearing me from my childhood and adolescence to what I am now.

Having been a really shy (read apprehensive of criticism) kid, I never moved out of my comfort zone to speak in public, ie. in oratorical contests and class skits. I had extreme stage-fear and envied the kids who would very casually go in front of a class and deliver a very good speech, without an iota of fear, which meant no stammering or shivering. I would look at such kids in awe wondering if I would ever become such a confident person. A teacher once told me, 'If you are presenting something, assume that you know everything and the audience has very little idea about whatever you are talking. This will definitely increase your confidence' and I always wondered if it was true.

Even in the initial semesters of my Undergraduation, I was always hesitant to volunteer for class activities, though I would really want to. In one of the Personal Development classes, the Professor asked for three volunteers to give a presentation on Public Speaking. I overcame my inertia and volunteered. I prepared really well and on the big day, my anxiety shot to peaks wherein my stomach started hurting, I felt sick and my hands were sweating! I guess everyone goes through that stage. It was my turn, I went on to the dais, a little nervous outside and way too nervous inside. It initially felt intimidating, but I was reminded of my teacher's statement (mentioned above) and in contrast to my apprehension, I did quite well. My teacher's words DID work out!

The presentation was on the 'Importance of Body Language while addressing a gathering' and taught me allot about what to and what not to do on stage. For me, it was a life-changing moment. It helped me lay a strong foundation for my presentation skills, showing me the path to improve myself and become a better speaker, overcoming my fear and moving out of my comfort zone. I started volunteering for few class seminars, though with a lot of reluctance, for the pure satisfaction it gave. Every time I waited for my turn, I would experience the same feelings as the first time, a little apprehension, a slight discomfort and a thought of giving up.

I started my Master's study and my research team knew me as the very reserved girl, till the day of my first project presentation. I still remember one of them commenting that my presentation was too good and no one expected me to be audible to the entire room. One after the other, my self-confidence increased. I started taking recitation classes for undergrad students as part of my Assistantship and trust me, the first class was intimidating. I got over the fear by preparing well for the classes. My stage fear slowly disintegrated and helped strengthen my love for the stage.

Now, almost an year into teaching, I have the confidence to address a gathering of any number of people with ease. Thus was my metamorphosis from the girl with stage-fear to the confident young woman who loves the stage.

So, if you, yes the one reading this blog has stage-fear, face it and overcome it. You will soon realize that the demons are in your mind intimidating you. Start by volunteering to talk before your class and give your best shot. If I was able to change from a very shy person to a confident speaker, you too can! Just push yourself out of the comfort zone of your seats and get onto the stage, smile a little and speak confidently as if you are teaching or discussing something with your close friends. It is just as easy as that.

The feeling after you deliver a good presentation, wherein you know that the audience was paying attention to you is just pure bliss. I would love everyone to experience that!

Keep smiling and have a great week!

-Yamini

(To be continued..Some tips on giving really good presentations, from lessons I learnt from my mistakes and the mistakes others have made, and inspirations from really good speakers whom I look upto) 

'Tuesdays with Morrie' and my random thoughts

As i finish writing this post, one movie that comes to my mind is 'Tuesdays with Morrie' based on the book with the same name by Mitch Albom. It might not be directly related to my rantings here, but does reflect  some important messages of life which each of us should know - about valuing people, keeping up our promises to stay in touch, listening patiently to people when they get too old and so on (as far as I remember from three years back when I saw the movie).

We make promises of staying in touch with friends and teachers after graduating. But we hardly get time to keep up our words. In this mad run behind money and riches, are we forgetting something which is more valuable to us - our family, friends and relations?

We all work to earn money and stay happily, but what is the use of having all the money on earth if we aren't able to help our own family members when in need. Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to help my near and dear ones back home in times of sickness by staying here. Will all the money I earn be able to satisfy the feeling of staying close to the person during that period?

A few years later, what would truly matter is not how much money I had and spent on people, and what i bought them, but how I made them feel. Was I there for my near and dear ones when they needed me the most? What is the use if we aren't able to support our parents in their old-age?

Numerous questions like these keep popping in my head looking for answers. I am definitely not the only one.

All this could be simply dismissed as the rantings of another Indian staying abroad who will possibly change this attitude in an year or so; or just give some serious thought to these questions if they make sense to you.

Hopefully I express my feelings with more clarity next time I sit down to pen my thoughts!

My Azhagaa - my first love

I met him one fine day at the temple during Navarathri, an year and a quarter back, sitting silently in front of Lord Subrahmanya. I had never seen him around earlier. A friend told me that he visits the temple everyday. I probably had not noticed him earlier but something in him made me fond of him from the first sight. Maybe this is what people call 'love at first sight'. The following few days, I made it a point to visit the temple just to see him. We gradually got introduced, started talking and within no time I realized I fell for him. I addressed him as 'Azhagaa' for many reasons ('Azhagaa' is handsome/beautiful in Tamil). An hour before returning to hostel would be spent with him, no matter what, speaking my heart out. I experienced a state of anxiety and excitement everyday as I eagerly waited to meet him. My friends had a hard time listening to my stories before they got to meet him. And one day, I introduced him to my best friend and the three of us had a great time together, probably the most memorable one.

I should have trusted my gut feeling to not leave the place when I had to return back to hostel, and little did I know that that would soon be the last time I met him. The news came a few hours later that my 'Azhagaa' was no more.

It was hard to believe and tears rolled down my cheeks without a pause. The thought that he was no more and that I will not be able to see him again tore down my spirits. Gathering my senses, I prayed for his soul to rest in peace. I sat wondering about how much I loved him and would miss him and how time flew past when I was with him. He had shared all my happiness and had been a part of my sad times as well, as a strong moral support.

My friend came by to offer her condolences and gave me something of his which she found near the temple.  It was an integral part of him, which in a few years would have transformed into the eye-captivating, vibrant feathers, which gave him and his family the honor of being called our 'National Bird'. Yes, and he was my 'Azhagaa'.

He was brought to the temple and left under the care of the Gurukkal and those looking after the temple. He was kept safely inside an inverted mesh box just opposite to Lord Subrahmanya's sannidhi to protect him from the dogs which roamed around. Evenings, he was free to run and hop around with his little feathers trying to fly and feeding on tiny insects, while the students kept an eye on him. Everyone around was so fond of him.

That fateful day, the dogs probably messed with the cage, releasing him and attacking him when he tried to flee out of fright. No one knew where 'Azhagaa' disappeared suddenly. Just a few scattered feathers near his cage, indicating a struggle and the possibility of what might have happened. The temple seemed so void during the next few days. The fact that I would no longer meet him was hard to accept.

I am nostalgic while penning this down as I remember the days I spent talking with him. Yes, and he did definitely respond. He would walk in towards the side of the cage next to me or my friend when we spoke with him and made synchronous noises in response.

The two feathers are all that I have to his remembrance though his memories would always stay in my heart. I would have loved to see him grow and transform into a beautiful peacock, dancing gracefully at the onset of rains.

Miss you Azhagaa, wherever you are!

Discover a new 'You'

As I sit by the window on a breezy and windy evening, having a glass of juice after a work-out, I am reminiscent of how it all started.

My memories go back by six - seven years. I was quite fat then though not obese and I definitely used to feel bad when people called me fat even for fun. Instead of taking a step for it, I surrendered to the fact like most others that it was probably in my genes and wasn't my fault to be so. I blamed random circumstances for not being physically active and kept telling myself that I was fit. The realization of the otherwise fact came one day when accompanying a cousin for a morning jog. I couldn't jog for more than a few minutes, leave alone keeping up in the run. It stuck me hard that I wasn't fit and decided that if not now, I would never again take a step into staying healthy and fit. So the morning walks with my mom started with the only intention to 'lose weight'! 

College life continued with evening walks and jogs without any 'expected' results. At the point of losing faith, I decided to recommence the same walks with more passion and focus on feeling healthy and fit and not just losing weight. Thus started the walks for which I looked forward to instead of the walks which I had to!

This went from a few weeks to months. Though no visible results were seen, I started feeling better about myself. A feeling of actually being fitter than the previous day kept me going. This was followed by an  increasing level of self-confidence and my feeling of inferiority started decreasing. My perspective of the world around me changed and I stopped bothering about my weight. I felt more fresh and rejuvenated everyday and could feel more energy inside with every passing day. My mood swings decreased tremendously to almost none and I started greeting everyone with a big smile on my face. The world again became a beautiful place to live in. This feeling, trust me, is definitely many times better than losing weight and looking thinner using medicines and strict diets (in the name of which many are not eating what is required for them). I felt a new 'me' inside me which I never thought existed. 

This feeling has kept me going till date and I feel great every day, better than the previous day. The weighing scale doesn't probably show me what I initially needed, but that doesn't matter now. We all might not have the same circumstances to visit gyms, have free space with fresh air to go for a peaceful jog, or have a personal tread-mill. But all that we have is self-motivation. Family and friends might force you into starting some sort of work-out but only self-motivation will keep you going. 

We can come up with a thousand reasons as to why we aren't able to do some physical activity. Its never too late. Once, just once, give yourself a kick up from your seats in front of your laptops, i-pads and computers and start your exercise. Start with a ten minute walk everyday or take the stairs instead of the steps or do some simple front and back bending exercises while watching tv or go for outdoor games with friends/family members. Don't stop with a single day, force yourself for a week amidst your 'busy' schedule. Once you experience the 'feel good' feeling about yourself, nothing can stop you. And this my friends, cannot be explained by words. Experience yourselves and see a paradigm shift on your lives.

Love yourself and feel good about yourself! And 'Discover the new YOU' just like me. Give yourselves a chance for a better life which you deserve.
--Yamini

Becoming a Teacher

The First Class. I remember distinctly. I step inside a classroom of fifty undergraduate students, unprepared for the class. I feel a tingling sensation in my stomach with the apprehension of handling a fifty minute session all by myself. Little did I know what to expect from the class and little did I know what they expected of me. But I was sure of one thing, I would be asked as many questions as are not asked back in India. Mentally preparing myself I walk inside and about fifty pairs of eyes follow my every movement.

Many thoughts flood my mind at that instance. I knew I could do well by fighting my fear of public speaking. I started off well and fifty minutes of interactive class solving circuit theory problems was over.

And now, looking back at that day and waiting for yet another interesting class, my thoughts drift back to my undergrad days where I was inspired to take up teaching as a profession. The Anukul Shikshan classes conducted by the seniors! The passion with which the classes were taken, the simple ways of explaining concepts - taught me the way to present myself before a class and keeping everyone listening. Sometimes these are things we should learn.

Hope that this becomes my stepping stone to the noble profession of teaching and I enlighten more lives.

Eagerly waiting for the next week!

And yes, feeling proud to don the role of a Teacher!