The other side of the story

'He saw her online on WhatsApp and wondered if he should text her. The previous day's incident flashed before his eyes. Her call had come as a surprise, almost after an year. 

He was surprised because she had not called him or tried to reach him for almost an year. His busy schedule kept him from staying in constant touch with friends. But she had been always there, with the frequency of her texts changing from daily to weekly to monthly and never gave up until that one day. It had been a couple of months and she called. They spoke for a couple of minutes and he had to hang up since he was busy. He had told her that he will ping her back in a while but in the midst of all that was going on, this had gotten out of his head. He had realized very late that he had wanted to text her back, but was hesitant to initiate a conversation since it was already a couple of months since she last called. His mind vacillated and he put off texting her back to the next day. This procrastination had become a habit and he could never bring himself to respond back to her.

He thought that he had probably lost a good friend. That was when she called. She was always ecstatic when she spoke, but this time she was formal, way too formal. It was distinctly contrast to how she had always expressed herself over the years that he had known her. There was an awkward silence after the initial greetings and they hung up not knowing how to proceed the conversation. 

"Have things changed?", he wondered, "Should I use this opportunity to make up for the lost friendship, or are there permanent scars which cannot be erased?"', she sighed, wondering if this was his side of the story which went unspoken and got back to the code which had finished its iterations.

A new beginning!

We all have those gloomy days when things begin to go awry bringing about a delusion of negative thoughts on all that have gone wrong in our lives so far. These are moments very unique to each person and sharing them depends on each of us. A good night's sleep does make us feel better, actually a lot better the next day, but deep down, the thought is still there, waiting like a volcano to erupt when the pressure is right. Though we pretend to have addressed and resolved these emotional issues, we just need a little low to remind ourselves of reasons to hate oneself, pulling us into the vortex of never-ending feeling of guilt - how we screwed up in studies, how something that we did spoiled the relationship with someone we loved, how we could have done way better had we really tried hard, and the list goes on.

One effective way that we could resolve our guilt is by forgiving ourselves. How else do you think that kids stay happy all the time? Even the biggest worries for them like spilling milk or food doesn't occupy their minds much because they forget and forgive themselves, even without their knowledge. As we grow up, we grow more conscious of what we do and forget the forgiving-self part, though we speak a lot about forgiving others. Yes, you read it right. You need  to forgive yourselves to have that peace of mind.

Forgiving doesn't mean forgiving to commit more mistakes, but to learn from mistakes and be a better person, working towards a more meaningful and contented life. We spend too much time brooding over the past, about the things that might  have happened had we acted in some supposedly ideal ways.

Remember that time maybe you borrowed a pen/pencil from the student next to you and never returned. This incident never troubles your senses because somewhere deep down your thoughts, you have forgiven yourself dismissing it as a mean act you did in your childhood. Think along the same lines, forgive yourself for the chocolates/sweets you sneaked in at your grandparents homes, which keep telling you that is your Karma for putting on those ugly flabs; forgive yourself for your rude behavior with a friend who might not even remember it, because you weren't as mature then as you are now; forgive yourself, to simply not get rid of any self-imposed guilt, but to take off some burden weighing down on your shoulders, because 'what has happened has happened and you cannot change it now, the only thing you can do is change the way how the past affects your future - positive or negative, its all what we choose'.

So, put a little thought into my introspection. Lets celebrate the season of harvest (Sankaranthi) by turning away from the darkness of our own delusions and allowing the bright sunshine of acceptance and forgiveness brighten our lives with every living moment.

தை பிறந்தாள்  வழி பிறக்கும் - 'Thai Piranthaal Vazhi Pirakkum'. I really wish this new beginning of the auspicious month of Thai brings new beginnings to all that is good in your lives.

இனிய பொங்கல் நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள்!

-Yamini